yesterday morning i was sending tuleen to daycare in the morning as we got closer to her daycare we got stuck in traffic and as i came closer to the daycare i noticed that there was an ambulance and i thought that something had happened to someone at the school. someone from the national guard was directing traffic to the other way, she was a former classmate and so i asked her if something was going on at the school and she reassured that there wasnt but that i couldnt get through this way so i made the turn and came back and parked a few feet ahead of the school and from the accident. there were four cars involved, one was in the bush crumpled and its driver was out on the stretcher. i tried to get to tuleen not to look but she didnt even know what was going on. i dropped her of to school and on the way back to the car, passing the scene again, i inspected a little closer. the things i noticed had nothing to do with the physical accident but rather the surroundings. first of all i noticed how beautiful that road was and it so tranquil. there were leaves on the side of the road that were crumbling as i walked on them and above me the sunlight burst through the branches of the trees at just the right places. and i noticed some flowers in the tangled bush; trying to escape from the mess of dry greenery. all this beauty and then a few feet away a woman, possibly dieing, on a stretcher with people passing her by going about their regular business and the sun still bright….
as i was walking i also remembered that this was the same spot that my mother got in an accident when i was about 6 yrs old. well she wasnt driving, my uncle was and it was my dads maroon volvo, two door, leather interior. … a horse was crossing the street and hit the windshield. i remember the horse went along and then the police came, but i dont know why i guess they ended up hitting another car or something. and on the way home , which was only a few minutes, my uncle was worried about what my dad would say and my mother was calming him down, saying it was an accident. when we got home and it was time for bed, i was telling my mom that i was afraid my dad would get mad and start to yell and she reassured me that he wouldnt because it was no ones fault, it was an accident.. my father doesnt understand the concept of accidents, or didnt i should say.. i know the first day of school was the next day because my clothes were set out and hung on the door of the closet. my white ironed shirt on the hanger with my tie set in the collar, ready for tomorrow. and the skirt with its thick straps on top of the shirt… my shoes, with socks inside, were under them. i remember this one fact because i was looking at them when they told my dad that they hit his car and ofcourse the yelling and screaming came after.. he was yelling at my mom, and ofcourse it wasnt her fault, but that was his fucking way.. she came in my room, crying as usual, and told me that i had to go to school tomorrow and i needed to sleep. and i guess i eventually did but not without etching that night in my memory…
but going back to that spot it really was natural……
