Me Myself And I

this morning i brought some baklava from jordan to work for my co-workers because i had brought some a while ago and they loved it. so i got some today and i was telling the secretary to have some. she started asking me about the ingredients so i went over the contents and ingredients with her. after i was done she said, what i think is the weirdest thing especially in todays world- she says “ive never traveled to that part of the world [the middle east] you know. what language do they speak there?”. now this caught me off guard because i just assumed that with everything thats going on in the news this 50-something year old woman would at least know that in the middle east we speak arabic. so i told her we speak arabic there and she asks if i spoke it too and i told her i did. she seemed so surprised that i knew arabic, i dont know why exactly though. so she said she would take some home for her husband and then we started to talk about diabetes, because her husband has diabetes, and its effects and what not.

i just found that conversation so strange, maybe im being naive but i just thought that people would know more about the middle east.. let me just say that to judge all people based on this one womans’ understanding would be biased but ive come across alot of ppl who have misconceptions about the middle east. i think ppl need to understand and experience cultures outside their own comfortable boundaries- that way ppl can be more tolerant of each others ways of life.

 i mean imagine if everyone was one color skin, same color eyes, and had the same norms it would be like having a one colored rainbow (i love rainbows!) and thats not interesting or fun….

silence can be so loud… i realized this today while sitting in my parents room by myself.

oh my god!! i havent done anything at work yet today! ive been reading blogs and emails and lookin at facebook, reading the news and what not.. i feel so behind in work, its been a while since ive been on a project! i really need to stop doing all that crap and get focused and learn how to manage it all, being that ill start workin from home in 2 weeks! i hope i dont wander off in internet land when i supposed to be working at home!

today amo and the family will be coming in the afternoon and mama will be leaving in two weeks ive been dredding the day she leaves since she got here.. it’ll be so lonely without her and salma.

ok am gonna have some lunch and then pray and then squeeze in some super work time and get SOMETHING done.  

alright its been almost 7 months to the day of my last post! whoa!! so i gave birth on april 12th my labor had to be induced and it was tough delivery i had both my aunts there and one of my best friends there with me in the delivery room. i despise one my aunts and really wished she wasnt there with me at such an important time, shes such a bull shitter! the only reason she was there was so she can say she was by me!! i was having contractions and just praying that she wouldnt be the only one there with me and then hanin came so that was a relief. stupid aunt didnt even do anything for me, she was actually annoying she kept telling ur so near, ur so near when i was pushing and i was no where near near!

i didnt even no what child birth really was, like i didnt know that pushing was only the begining and i didnt know what active labor and labor were, shit if i knew that woman wouldnt be there but i didnt let her presence ruin the moment i totally filtered her out!  so i have a healthy beautiful daughter, alhamdulillah!! the bad part is im still having complications from the pregnancy. jackass dr shouldve just performed a c-section! i had an operation around two weeks ago and im still feeling bad, this time im not going to wait me and ayman are going to pr next week to see some drs and hopefully ill get better without surgery! i have a post-op visit with the jackass dr today. i hope he doesnt tell me something irritating and stupid like “you’re my puzzle of the year” like last visit.

im just happy that nothing happened to tu-tu, thats my babys name, tuleen! shes the most precious thing in the world she bring so much happiness to me and ayman and were sort of getting used to the fact that were parents.  its weird, shes like a mesh of me and ayman shes got my eyes and his nose, shes also got his big head-which is going down little by little thank god!! the first thing i saw of her was her feet when the dr pulled her out, they were purple.. and ofcourse she came out with her eyes wide open!!!! and until today shes not much of a sleeper during the day, u know how ppl say that babies sleep most of the time during the day at least when theyre a few months, well she wasnt like that at all!! her eyes are always open, always taking in new sights and sounds. i love to watch her look around and explore, she always has a perplexed look on her face when its something new she sees. she loves to look at palm trees and plants and she loves to be outside! we’ve already got her swimming and she moves her feet and arms around and enjoys swimming with my mom. im constantly praying to Allah to protect her, even b4 i had her so alhamdulillah she was safe and unharmed and i was the one that felt the blunt of the pain and still feeling it until today!

breast feeding was a special time and bond with her but i dont do it anymore because i was on and off of antibiotics and stool softeners and laxatives and all that stuff in my body is harmful to her. when i first held her the nurse told me to put her to my breast and i was afraid i wouldnt know what to do but as soon as i held her to me, with her eyes closed, she just opened up her mouth and moved it around until she found my breast and instantly began suckling. it was amazing and something i dont think i would ever forget. u know i was always wondering how it would feel like, because usually im stimulated by them during sex but i couldnt feel anything at all when she was on them, it was so weird. well my boobs kind of hurt but not too much. so how did i end up talking about my boobs… oh right the breast feeding.. so yeah i dont do that anymore but would recommend it to any mom, its tiring and takes up alot of your time but so worth it.

so what else is there.. im back at work and tutu is with mama until she leaves in a month and then its daycare. im not to excited about that but what can i do.. you gotta do what u gotta do! umm and thats about it for me in another 15 min i have to leave work for my doctors visit.. and thats about it for me… until later days  i dont know when that will be but hopefully itll be soon.. ive got to write more for tutu’s sake… i have a diary for her that i write in not type like this blog and mama has a little diary thing going on for her too tu-tu’s got alot to read!!

caio!